I've had moments, but...

This is bad. I've never felt so insecure and unsure about what I'm doing. I literally feel out of control of every aspect of my life. I can't control my kids, all I can do is take my meds to control my seizures, and little things like broken shoulder straps are seriously making my ball. I'm not PMSing, at least I shouldn't be for like a week. I have to pull it together. But I feel like I've been thrown into the lions' pit and even after 2 months I'm get mauled. And I know, I know... It's my first semester, but how the hell are you supposed to teach these kids when they don't listen and continuously ask for the guide teacher. It was so embarrassing when my supervisor got up, walked over to one of the boys and told them to be quiet. They were even rude to the principal when he came to talk to them about the CSTs so you tell me how I'm supposed to manage them when they don't even respect the f'ing principal? I was talking to him after class and I started to cry. I called my mom and started crying. My bag broke as I was walking on campus and I started crying. and finally I'm sitting here crying as I write. What if this isn't what I'm supposed to do? I know that next semester should be better, but I'm doubting my choice based on the current situation. I know certain people may be shocked b/c I like nice things, but I'd much rather help people on a first hand basis than work for the man so I've been thinking about other opps. My dad said I could probably get a job at south bay, but I don't want to quit! this isn't the real Alie!!! I guess this is just God shoving me into a situation where I am forced to be strong and lean on Him. Man this is hard.