Emotional Rollercoaster

I'm not even sure how to describe today. I knew it was going to be hard b/c it was my grandma's memorial, but there was a handle full of unknowns that had me nervous. I was first so incredibly happy to see my pledge sis' beautiful face after such a long time. Everything was fine as we made our way into the church but the moment they started to sing Amazing Grace I lost it. There's something about that song that makes me cry no matter what. After pastor Russ said a few things we stood up at the front as my Uncle Del read something he wrote, my sister read something, then my dad read a letter that my mom wrote, but she knew she wouldn't be able to read it out loud. Something about hearing your family talk makes it so real. My sister was doing good reading her thing until she started to talk about Grandma never meeting Madeline. That just hits you like a rock. As I was standing up there with all of them I was surveying the large crowd (partly seeing if the jackass showed-up which he didn't...phew!) when I saw a face I hadn't seen in more than a year. Rachel...It's kind of a condratiction considering the moment, but I was suddenly so excited (and shocked) to see her. K-12 we were like twins. We were part of each others' families, but as we went to college life took us different ways. I knew that she had graduated from school and was living in DC working for a congressman, but other than that we hadn't kept in touch. I guess she realized after being out there that it was hard to be away from home and she just moved back a few days after my grandma's obituary ran and her mom told her. It's just weird b/c I've been thinking about her and now she's back. It's like a shift in life happening. My friends from college are dispersing and now my friends from when I was younger are moving back. It's very interesting b/c they are such different times in our lives. It's kind of happening to my sister too. Her friends from school are in San Fran or LA and now in the past year she's reconnected with her childhood friend after college separation. Life is changing so fast. As we sat there and mourned the loss of my grandma lil Madeline was doing cartwheels in Andrea's belly. It was so amazing to see all the people that came. My grandma went through some really hard times, and I think she had esteem problems, but it was so evident how many people loved her. A family friend took some photos and made a slide show to play at the church and at lunch and it just reminded us how beautiful she was. I know some days will be harder than others, but I have promised myself that I will allow myself to mourn her death, but celebrate her life. She is in Heaven with our Savior and I'm positive she looked down and smiled today.